(Parts of this blog may gross you out or be offensive. You have been warned. I am giving you fair warning. Read at your risk.)
Wednesday night, I had the pleasure of doing the A/V for David Coleman when he came to Moravian. For those who don’t know who David Coleman is, he is the Dating Doctor aka “America’s Real Life Hitch”. I really enjoyed his presentation, and believe me, I was not the only one. Everyone had a blast. At least, that is how it seemed to me. And he was a really great and nice guy. Completely friendly and personable.
For part of the presentation, he spoke about the three types of love. I found this a very good subject to talk about. However, he went through it too quickly, and I decided to expand upon it. I do not claim to be a “Dating Doctor”. Anyone who knows me knows that I do not have, nor have I ever really had, a girlfriend. So, I don’t really go out on dates. However, I do know a few things about love, and the different kinds of love that exist. With my parents, you can’t avoid lessons in love, all three types of love.
So, what are the three types of love? The answer is Eros, Phileo, Agape (David used Philio, I use Phileo, they are the same thing). These three names come from the Greek. The Greeks believed that they were the only kinds of love around, and that everyone had circles of lovers depending on which type, or combination of types, of love they felt for the person.
Eros love is the simplest to feel and the simplest to explain. Eros love is the raw physical attraction that one feels for another human being. It is the root of the word erotic. Eros, for the Greeks, was the god of physical attraction, and also lust. Eros is the shallowest part of the ocean of love. If you feel Eros love for someone, you love them for their body. They are pleasing to the eyes. Ladies, Eros love is what most men start with. The reason, and I say this as a guy, is that we tend to think with our penises when it come to relations of any kind with a woman. I know that I am saying something most people don’t want to discuss, but it is the truth, like it or not. However, Eros love will not sustain a lasting relationship. For that, you need something deeper. Eros love is not a bad thing, though, it helps people want to break the ice with others or the opposite (or same) sex. I also want to crystal clear on one thing. Eros love is not sex. Sex, and sex alone, is sex. Too many people equate Eros love with sex. Even the Greeks did. It is not. Lust is not sex. I know that in the Gospels (I am a Christian, remember) Jesus tells us that men who look at a woman or man with lust has commited adultery in his heart. This is the Truth. However, if I look at you with lust, it means I want to have sex with you, not that I am having sex with you.
Oh, and please note: EVERYONE FEELS THIS AT SOME TIME IN THEIR LIVES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (enough exclamation points?)!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It is perfectly normal for a human being to feel lust and be physically attracted to someone. Hollywood has made a lot of money because of this. Ladies and Gentlemen, you may wish to deny it, but everyone has a Brad Pitt, Matt Damon, Jude Law, Natalie Portman, Angelina Jolie (bleck!), Milla Jovovich, Lacey Chabert, etc that they have found physically attractive in a movie. I know it is true. You know it is true.
Phileo is the next level of love. It the friendly or brotherly love, this is the word which gave us the name of the City of Brotherly Love, Philadelphia. Phileo usually comes after you have met someone and gotten to know them. Phileo is what you feel for a friend. It is the underlying base for the relationships built between two friends. The more love there is, the deeper the friendship. Where Eros is defined by the passions, Phileo is more about trust and respect. It is also about Intimacy. I really liked that David Coleman made a point to distinguish between Intimacy and Passion. Passion is physical desire. Intimacy is the non-physical and it is tied to the faith you have in the other individual. Phileo is actually the most difficult love for me to explain. So, I will sum up with an example. Take your best friend, the one you trust most, the one to whom you can tell anything. How do you feel about them? That is Phileo. (If this is your spouse, then you are truly a blessed individual.)
The deepest level of love is the Agape love. This is the love of the romantics strive for. This is the deep heartfelt love. “I love you with all my heart”-type love. This is the love that you feel and you just want to let everyone know about it. It is usually Agape love that leads the way to commitment. In a way, Agape is a combination of Eros and Phileo. It takes both the passion and the intimacy and the trust, mixes it all together, and it makes you want to commit to the other human being. If you are married, this is love you need to feel, because it the commitment, not the feeling, that counts with Agape. I want to repeat that, Agape is about the commitment, not the feeling, of love. As I stated before, I am a Christian. Since I have provided examples for both Eros and Phileo, I will be consistent and show you an example of Agape love. God’s gift to us of Jesus’s sacrifice is Agape love. He’d loved us so much that he committed his life to us. When Jesus says that “Greater love has no one than this, than to lay down one’s life for his friends” (John 15:13), he is speaking of Agape love.
You do not need to go through a linear progression from Eros to Phileo to Agape. You can start with either Eros or Phileo. You could start with Agape but this is rare, but this is the usual starting between parents and children in their relationships. Eros does not need to precede Phileo or Agape. I will admit that it helps, but it is not necessary. I also want to say that Phileo can be the starting point and it can lead to Eros. I guess Agape could lead to Eros, but it strikes me as counter-intuitive.
I hope that everyone who read this enjoyed the experience. However, if in some way you have been offended, I will apologize. However, I did warn you at the beginning.
Friday, February 29, 2008
Wednesday, February 6, 2008
An "essay" The Stones of John
Hey People,
I just wanted to share this with you all. I wrote this about a year and a half ago. I know that it is very raw, so I ask that you forgive me for that. I simply found this and felt the need to share it with you all.
Have a great day.
The Stones of John
One of the problems that I have with the Bible teachers and Theologians of today is the business with the book of Revelation. Most people have a problem with the final book of the Bible. Quite a few people usually hide behind the thoughtless belief that John, the man who wrote the book, wrote using code so that the Romans would not know what he was writing about. They say that John didn’t want the Romans to read his Revelation for fear that they would misinterpret the images as politically inciting.
My answer for this is that John is commonly believed to be the same as John the Apostle, the Discipline. This is the same John who was brother to James and a son of Zebedee. James and John were the two disciples whom Jesus called the “Sons of Thunder”. These were the two men who went to their mother and got her to ask Jesus if they could sit on his right and his left in the Kingdom. Are you trying to tell me that the same man who had balls enough to ask God, “Can I sit next to you in Heaven?” In other words, “Can I be your Number One guy?” This is JOHN. You mean to tell me that this guy was worried about what the Romans thought of his ideas.
We have Paul, who wrote all his letters in Greek, a language understood by many at the time, and he wrote about the same things. He wrote several letters while in Jail. A Roman jail, no less. Peter, also, wrote without care of what Nero thought. There is a story that Peter, while being nailed to a cross was still preaching the gospel. How can you think that John, cut from the same cloth as Peter and Paul would try to hide his message. Why?
Another thing, John was part of the group given the Great Commission by Jesus. Go out, and make disciples of the World. Why would he try to hide anything from a group of people. That would have gone against the Commission. And as much trouble John could cause and cook up, he would not have betrayed his commission. He was made of sterner stuff than we are.
I am sorry, people. John would not have worried about what the Romans thought. John used plain language. He spoke about what his saw. And what he saw was horrific. We know that God used symbols in his revelations to men. Read Daniel, who interpreted dreams and had visions that needed to be interpreted by no less a figure than Gabriel. John told us what he saw. He saw symbols that were used by God, and these symbols have been misinterpreted for centuries.
Another point I want to make is this. Revelation is not a book for solitary study. It should studied in groups because of the images that God showed John, and the ease with which we can misinterpret the message.
Revelation is the book describing the End of THIS World. It is the end of the Bible. And John was not being cryptic in his relating the Revelation. John didn’t need to be.
I just wanted to share this with you all. I wrote this about a year and a half ago. I know that it is very raw, so I ask that you forgive me for that. I simply found this and felt the need to share it with you all.
Have a great day.
The Stones of John
One of the problems that I have with the Bible teachers and Theologians of today is the business with the book of Revelation. Most people have a problem with the final book of the Bible. Quite a few people usually hide behind the thoughtless belief that John, the man who wrote the book, wrote using code so that the Romans would not know what he was writing about. They say that John didn’t want the Romans to read his Revelation for fear that they would misinterpret the images as politically inciting.
My answer for this is that John is commonly believed to be the same as John the Apostle, the Discipline. This is the same John who was brother to James and a son of Zebedee. James and John were the two disciples whom Jesus called the “Sons of Thunder”. These were the two men who went to their mother and got her to ask Jesus if they could sit on his right and his left in the Kingdom. Are you trying to tell me that the same man who had balls enough to ask God, “Can I sit next to you in Heaven?” In other words, “Can I be your Number One guy?” This is JOHN. You mean to tell me that this guy was worried about what the Romans thought of his ideas.
We have Paul, who wrote all his letters in Greek, a language understood by many at the time, and he wrote about the same things. He wrote several letters while in Jail. A Roman jail, no less. Peter, also, wrote without care of what Nero thought. There is a story that Peter, while being nailed to a cross was still preaching the gospel. How can you think that John, cut from the same cloth as Peter and Paul would try to hide his message. Why?
Another thing, John was part of the group given the Great Commission by Jesus. Go out, and make disciples of the World. Why would he try to hide anything from a group of people. That would have gone against the Commission. And as much trouble John could cause and cook up, he would not have betrayed his commission. He was made of sterner stuff than we are.
I am sorry, people. John would not have worried about what the Romans thought. John used plain language. He spoke about what his saw. And what he saw was horrific. We know that God used symbols in his revelations to men. Read Daniel, who interpreted dreams and had visions that needed to be interpreted by no less a figure than Gabriel. John told us what he saw. He saw symbols that were used by God, and these symbols have been misinterpreted for centuries.
Another point I want to make is this. Revelation is not a book for solitary study. It should studied in groups because of the images that God showed John, and the ease with which we can misinterpret the message.
Revelation is the book describing the End of THIS World. It is the end of the Bible. And John was not being cryptic in his relating the Revelation. John didn’t need to be.
Saturday, February 2, 2008
A Short Story I Wrote
A Conversation with Lunch
John walked into the diner. He saw Tory sitting already with her back to him.
‘Damn,’ he thought, ‘Late again.’
He quickly indicated to the greeter that he was sitting with her and he rushed to the table. He was glad when she smiled as he sat down.
“Sorry, got held up in traffic,” he said. The waitress stopped, and he told her he’d take a Coke.
“Don’t worry.” She said with the smile that warmed his soul. “I just got here myself."
She quickly filled him in on all of the things she had going on. Work was tough, and her roommate was out of town for two weeks.
He quickly told her about the crazy things going on at work.
The small talk went on until their food arrived. He had ordered a ham sandwich with fries, and she had tuna salad wrap with chips. He was able to wrangle the pickle from her.
Halfway through the food, he decided to end the tension and broach the subject he was most uncomfortable with.
“How is Steve?” Steve was Tory’s boyfriend. John didn’t like him, but never told her so. They had only met once four years earlier. John and Tory had just met and she had brought Steve to see their college. Steve had been cold meeting John, as if meeting a competitor not a friend. John, on the other hand, had disliked how possessive Steve seemed with Tory. In the years since, John and Tory had graduated, Steve and Tory had been engaged, and John had been worried, for reasons he was unsure of.
John did not like talking about Steve, but the man was part of Tory’s life, and he had to get used to it.
“We broke up.” Tory said quietly.
To say that John was stunned would be saying the Atlantic was a puddle.
Part of him was overjoyed. He wanted to celebrate. To jump up and down. Scream his joy from mountaintops kind of joy. He didn’t.
The thing that stopped him wasn’t his modesty. Or his reserve. No, nor his nature.
It was her eyes. The hurt and pain behind her eyes stopped him cold. It was something unnatural.
Her eyes were supposed to be joyous and full of laughter, even if she wasn’t laughing.
The hurt in her eyes told him volumes. She had not been dumped by Steve. She had been the one to “kick him out”. Steve had done something to hurt her, and she had left him. John could tell. And it had happened recently. The pain was fresh.
John was filled with anger. How could someone do this to Tory?
John forced himself to calm down. “Sorry I brought it up. Is there anything I can do?”
“Not right now.” She said. She was still quiet, the subject obviously hitting a very sensitive nerve.
John decided to change the subject. “How is your family?”
Tory told him. Her parents were fine. Her brother was seeing someone, but he was trying, and failing, to keep it from their parents. John chuckled at that.
Soon, they were finished with the food, and John grabbed the check before Tory could. The last time they had gone out for lunch, she had grabbed it and paid for her part of the bill. He didn’t mind, but he felt that this time, he should pay the whole thing. If only to apologize for bringing up the touchy subject.
He stood up, and she stood up. He grabbed her and gave her a hug. He wanted to say something, but he didn’t tell her. He never did. Instead he said, “Always glad to see you. Hope you feel better.”
“Thanks,” she said, “you are a great friend.”
“I do my best.” He replied. He pays the bill, and leaves two dollars for the tip.
He escorted her to the door, opened it for her, walked her to her car, and let her go. She drove away, and he mentally kicked himself once again.
I love you. He always thinks it, but he never says it. I love you.
John walked into the diner. He saw Tory sitting already with her back to him.
‘Damn,’ he thought, ‘Late again.’
He quickly indicated to the greeter that he was sitting with her and he rushed to the table. He was glad when she smiled as he sat down.
“Sorry, got held up in traffic,” he said. The waitress stopped, and he told her he’d take a Coke.
“Don’t worry.” She said with the smile that warmed his soul. “I just got here myself."
She quickly filled him in on all of the things she had going on. Work was tough, and her roommate was out of town for two weeks.
He quickly told her about the crazy things going on at work.
The small talk went on until their food arrived. He had ordered a ham sandwich with fries, and she had tuna salad wrap with chips. He was able to wrangle the pickle from her.
Halfway through the food, he decided to end the tension and broach the subject he was most uncomfortable with.
“How is Steve?” Steve was Tory’s boyfriend. John didn’t like him, but never told her so. They had only met once four years earlier. John and Tory had just met and she had brought Steve to see their college. Steve had been cold meeting John, as if meeting a competitor not a friend. John, on the other hand, had disliked how possessive Steve seemed with Tory. In the years since, John and Tory had graduated, Steve and Tory had been engaged, and John had been worried, for reasons he was unsure of.
John did not like talking about Steve, but the man was part of Tory’s life, and he had to get used to it.
“We broke up.” Tory said quietly.
To say that John was stunned would be saying the Atlantic was a puddle.
Part of him was overjoyed. He wanted to celebrate. To jump up and down. Scream his joy from mountaintops kind of joy. He didn’t.
The thing that stopped him wasn’t his modesty. Or his reserve. No, nor his nature.
It was her eyes. The hurt and pain behind her eyes stopped him cold. It was something unnatural.
Her eyes were supposed to be joyous and full of laughter, even if she wasn’t laughing.
The hurt in her eyes told him volumes. She had not been dumped by Steve. She had been the one to “kick him out”. Steve had done something to hurt her, and she had left him. John could tell. And it had happened recently. The pain was fresh.
John was filled with anger. How could someone do this to Tory?
John forced himself to calm down. “Sorry I brought it up. Is there anything I can do?”
“Not right now.” She said. She was still quiet, the subject obviously hitting a very sensitive nerve.
John decided to change the subject. “How is your family?”
Tory told him. Her parents were fine. Her brother was seeing someone, but he was trying, and failing, to keep it from their parents. John chuckled at that.
Soon, they were finished with the food, and John grabbed the check before Tory could. The last time they had gone out for lunch, she had grabbed it and paid for her part of the bill. He didn’t mind, but he felt that this time, he should pay the whole thing. If only to apologize for bringing up the touchy subject.
He stood up, and she stood up. He grabbed her and gave her a hug. He wanted to say something, but he didn’t tell her. He never did. Instead he said, “Always glad to see you. Hope you feel better.”
“Thanks,” she said, “you are a great friend.”
“I do my best.” He replied. He pays the bill, and leaves two dollars for the tip.
He escorted her to the door, opened it for her, walked her to her car, and let her go. She drove away, and he mentally kicked himself once again.
I love you. He always thinks it, but he never says it. I love you.
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